*Please note, this was originally posted in June of 2022 on my (late) WordPress blog*
Television personality, (and unofficial parent for millions of Americans) Fred Rogers famously advised children that when they feel afraid or unsettled, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
Helpers sustained us after Gaye's annual mammogram revealed a suspicious lump. It was helpers who were with Gaye as she faced an ultrasound of the lump. I had to wait outside the Memorial-Hermann Imaging Center. I made novenas for the first time 20 years. The prayers did not grant the relief that I recalled.
Unease rooted in family history
In 2003, Gaye lost a sister to pancreatic cancer. Less than two years after that, her mother died of the same disease. Two generations of Gaye's family had grown up in Port Arthur, Texas, a community hemmed in by refineries. Studies on communities like Port Arthur have found alarmingly higher rates of cancer.
I tried to tell myself that wouldn't be Gaye. Fibroids plagued her for years. I held onto the hope that this lump was just a fibroid. They’d take another look and see that.
Then the ultrasound tech called and asked me to come in for the radiologist’s consultation. She said she would meet me at the door. Fear grabbed me by the throat.
From the door, the tech led me to a dim-lit room where my wife sat in a paper gown, still in the slacks she had worn to work. The radiologist was with her. Her face was open and expressive and conveyed the doctor’s bearer-of-bad-news regret.
Find the helpers...
I must’ve grayed-out because I still don’t recall the doctor saying the word “cancer” but she did show us the irregular shape of the lump, magnified on the screen. She also said that a biopsy would reveal type and stage. There was a suspicious lymph node, too.
The radiologist did suggest that the lymph node might be plump due to a recent COVID-19 booster. It was slim hope but we'd take whatever hope, in any shape.
Nurse Navigators Are among the best helpers
Memorial Hermann, like many large healthcare providers, assign a registered nurse to help the patient navigate the course of care that often looks like an obstacle course. The nurse navigator can help coordinate diagnostics (lab work, biopsies, etc.). They can also assist with billing issues. Our insurance company assigned a nurse navigator as well who helped with financial questions.
Saves time and money
This is huge. With copays and office fees for everything you will meet your deductible fast but medical office personnel often don't know that (or necessarily care) and will still try to collect from you. This will be a recurring theme.
Getting a refund after the fact can be like pulling your own teeth: slow and painful. The insurance nurse-navigator provided us with approval codes for the medical office folk that 90% of the time ended all collection efforts. Our money remained in our pocket.
Biopsies and bras
The Memorial Hermann nurse navigator, “Nurse T,” advice Gaye to bring a post-surgical bra for the biopsy day. Gaye called it the best advice ever. After five separate punctures for the biopsy and marker placement there was no way she wanted to struggle into a traditional bra.
Gaye drove herself to the imaging center for the biopsy ten-days after the ultrasound. As scary as it must have been to go alone, Gaye is nothing if not practical. She told me to save my leave time in the event that the biopsy was confirmed to be cancer.
Not quite alone
Nurse T met Gaye on the day of the biopsy. She came into the dressing room to help Gaye gown up. She also told Gaye what to expect in the procedure—right down to how they would position her—as well as what her next step would be.
There was some comfort. The radiologist who performed the biopsy was a woman and Gaye said that she extended been-there compassion and consideration. The ultrasound who tech assisted remembered Gaye from before.
Sisters gonna work it out
They had a pleasant conversation through the course of the biopsy. To Gaye’s surprise, the only part that she considered painful was administration of the local anesthetic which she said felt like an ant bite. In fact, the popping sound of the spring-loaded needle, (used to retrieve the sample) was the worst part. Before Gaye knew it, they had inserted a second needle to place metal markers, identifying the tumor and suspect lymph node.
The radiologist said the marker served an additional purpose. If the biopsy found the lump to be benign then the marker would serve to identify the lump as safe in future mammograms. By that point Gaye and I were living on ifs.
Emotional support is life support
Still there after the procedure was over, Nurse T provided both assistance in getting dressed and to support Gaye emotionally.
Nurse T continued to call Gaye even after opted for another facility. Practicalities aside, those calls are also emotional lifelines. Those calls are especially helpful when the waiting weighs on you like bricks around your neck.
No matter your beliefs, this is proof of human divinity
The 5 days between the biopsy and getting the pathology report were hard. We used this time to talk with friends and family. If not evident, facing a potentially deadly diagnosis is not the time to "lone-wolf" it. This is also not the time for negativity or diva-behavior (other people's) choose your support team with care.
Fun or not, followup is imperative
In the time since Gaye's abnormal mammogram, we both read everything we could find on breast cancer. The results were sobering. For all our medical advances, breast cancer is still second only to lung cancer in causes of death among women.
Most frightening of all is the "why" behind that number. There are still women who do not have access to healthcare and therefore do not have access to mammograms or follow up. Without regular screening, women often are not diagnosed in time. Sadly, there are also women who are screened yet do not follow up on the initial abnormal mammogram.
According to the National Institute of Health, roughly 53% of women diagnosed with breast cancer do not follow through with any treatment at all. Again, there are economic, social, and psychological issues to consider. Still it is terrifying to think of women who die in silence with a disease that is treatable and, often, survivable.
Look for the helpers.
Takeaways:
- Post surgical bra are comforting after a biopsy. They are soft, non-constricting and easy on the puncture site. No underwire is a big deal. The better bras have pockets for ice packs.
- Ana Ono is a breast-cancer survivor and designed a line of bras. You can find the post-surgical bra that Gaye chose here.
- Lean on the navigator she will walk you through the procedure and next steps after the procedure.
- Don’t skimp on the bras. Ultimately, Gaye had three biopsies, (more on that later). If surgery is necessary, the bras will be imperative. Once treatment is complete she plans to donate her bras.
Side note: I started a blog to focus on all things crime—true-crime, crime fiction, movies, television shows, crime songs, even. Obviously, my attention has shifted. As we proceed with details of our journey, we will tackle clinical, emotional, and social obstacles as well as ways to round-off the rough edges.
We welcome any productive, helpful comments.
Stay positive. Stay strong.
The photo at the top, Gaye looking lovely in her hat, belongs to the author.
